 |
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Iain Duncan Smith |
|
 |
|
| You are hovering over: Home > News | 21st May |
| |
|
 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 by Flash Gorman The Conservative "leader", Ian Duncan Smith, has finally managed to raise a vague amount of interest in political circles by announcing that he resigned from his post several months ago. Apparently, he left his resignation on party chairman Theresa May's desk in September but, such is the level of in-fighting within the Tory Party, no one actually noticed. Out of loyalty to his colleagues, Mr Duncan Smith stayed on to "lead" the party temporarily until a new leader could be found. Opposition parties were quick to pay tribute to Mr Duncan Smith. The Prime Minister, Tony Blair, commented: "Whilst I was never entirely sure which of the Tory Front-bench was Mr Duncan Smith, I still have a great admiration for the lack of fighting spirit. Without his infirm, leaderless style, it's doubtful whether the Labour Party would be where it is today." Liberal Leader Charles Kennedy was equally gushing with his praise. "Mr Smith did tremendous work for our party and has helped establish us as a viable alternative to the Conservatives," he said. With the search for a new leader already underway, our correspondent attempted to talk to party insiders about possible candidates. We were interested in whether they were going to continue their proud tradition of memorable charismatic leaders in the style of Duncan Smith, Hague and Major. Although no one was willing to talk on the record, we were able to glean a few titbits from the party faithless. One trusted source had the following to say: "I think it's fair to say that the buzz word at the moment is hair. With Hague and whatshisname, we've gone for two slap-heads in a row and I think it's held us back. People are saying its time to go hirsute." Our queries as to the preferred political stance of candidates were brushed aside. "It's hair first and politics second. We are the opposition, after all. All you have to do is criticise anything Labour does and attribute any successes to the groundwork laid by the previous Tory government." Having established the leadership contest was going to be a battle of hairstyles, who did our informant think would be the front-runners? "It's pretty difficult to tell at this stage. I mean there's Portillo, obviously, but the others are tougher to call. Some people have been growing their hair in secret and there have been mutterings in some circles about transplants." A shrill cry of "Taxi for Clarke" saw the departure of mystery informant leaving us still unsure of whom the next Tory Leader will be. Only time will tell but after shrewd analysis of the twin requirements of large hair and political indifference, our money is on David Seaman. Related articles DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller" 7 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40 In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts 28 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday 27 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war 23 Oct 2003 Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space 20 Oct 2003 Tory leader "has office", to be investigated 12 Oct 2003 WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool 9 Oct 2003 Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise 6 Oct 2003 Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form 22 Jul 2003 Conservative leader to join Big Brother house 9 Jul 2003 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity 24 May 2003 IDS "bad for health" claims report 16 May 2003 IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election 14 May 2003 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 "Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors 22 Feb 2003
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |