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| You are drifting somewhere near: Home > News | 18th May |
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 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 The Conservative Party is "a real threat to government", the party's "leader" has said. Speaking on the BBC's Politics Show yesterday, Iain Duncan Smith warned that the government's position was not safe. "At this moment in time we have scores of well-trained ninjas ready to launch assaults on Labour MPs' seats across Britain," he explained. "We also have a potentially lethal collection of hair pieces, walking canes and probably Ken Clarke's Hushpuppies, but he's getting back to me on that one. We're not the nasty party, but the government should be scared of us." Political commentators agree that the Conservatives are a danger to government. "If this lot get in we've had it," wrote one Guardian columnist. "Never mind a threat to the government they're a threat to the entire country." In a separate interview, the government warned the Conservative Party it won't have an easy ride. "John Prescott packs a pretty mean punch, as we saw in the last general election," said party chairman Ian McCartney. "The Prime Minister himself is rather good at tennis and Dr John Reid used to work as a part-time assassin for MI6, so we've got it covered." The Liberal Democrats also stressed that the government could expect a fight from them too. "William Hague had his kung fu, John Prescott's got his boxing, Iain Duncan Smith has his er yes, but Charles Kennedy is trained in the ancient Japanese art of origami," cautioned Alan Beith. "He's a whiz with the paper planes, and with a paperclip payload he could easily blind someone in seconds. Especially if there's a crosswind." A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said that they would be watching all parties carefully. The debate on which party is hardest was meanwhile called off when some of the Northern Irish parties got involved, brandishing homemade coshes and Molotov cocktails. Related articles DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller" 7 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40 In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts 28 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday 27 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war 23 Oct 2003 Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space 20 Oct 2003 Tory leader "has office", to be investigated 12 Oct 2003 WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool 9 Oct 2003 Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise 6 Oct 2003 Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form 22 Jul 2003 Conservative leader to join Big Brother house 9 Jul 2003 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity 24 May 2003 IDS "bad for health" claims report 16 May 2003 IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election 14 May 2003 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 "Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors 22 Feb 2003
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