| | Bush advocates bombing Toronto to rid world of SARS
1 May 2003
The U.S. President, George W Bush, yesterday made his feelings known about the World Health Organisation's decision to withdraw its recommendation to avoid Toronto over the SARS outbreak. The WHO had initially said that travellers should stay away from the Canadian business capital because the risk of catching the disease, much to the anger of the city's mayor. It is now accepted that the risk is much lower than at first thought, but President Bush is unconvinced.
"SARS is a very dangerous virus with links to Al Osama Bin Qaeda and Saddam Hussein's former regime in Iraq," said a visibly concerned President at the White House. "There is absolutely no way we can let these evil people get away with massacring millions of people with a deadly disease. Now some people might say 'George, we have to go down the UN route, we have to have international cooperation.' Well, they might do anyway. But I'd say to them, if they did say such a thing to me: no, I've had it up to here with the bloody UN, lets do some bombing."
Mr Bush went on to outline how "precision bombing" of Toronto could wipe out all traces of the virus within weeks. "We now have smart weapons so accurate they can hit a single molecule from hundreds of miles away," explained senior Pentagon engineer Gregory T Mullet at a later press conference. "OK, so it's not usually the right molecule, but we can still hit them."
The Canadian government, which held a special cabinet session in Toronto to show the world that the city is safe, is understood to be "stunned" by the President's threat to bomb one of his neighbours and allies. The mayor of Toronto was livid when told about the news, however. "Any bombing will have a disastrous effect on our tourism industry – an industry on which this city depends," he ranted on live television. "What on earth does President Bush think he is playing at?"
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer later added to Mr Bush's remarks, but declined to answer the mayor's specific question. "We will, of course, give the Canadians time to remove this virus of mass panic and fear from their country," he conceded. "They've got 48 hours – it worked for Iraq so it can work for them."
Mr Fleischer was also asked why the Bush administration advocated bombing Canada and only Canada, when the main source of infection was in Asia. "Isn't it obvious? If we bomb Asia we might hit the Koreans then we could have a war on our hands," he replied. "What do you think we are, stupid?"
How cool is this?
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