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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Saddam Hussein |
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| You have trodden in: Home > News | 25th May |
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 Tariq Aziz confident asylum bid will succeed 27 Apr 2003 by Andrew Doe Former Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz was looking forward to a comfortable life at the expense of British taxpayers yesterday after making an application for asylum in the UK. He told reporters that he was "confident" that his application would succeed, pointing out that he had as strong a case as anybody he'd persecuted. "Think about it", he said, "The Americans want to ship me off to Guantanamo Bay, and I'm at serious risk of persecution if I stay in Iraq. The British are bound to look after me." "They know just how unpopular I am here," he continued, "they've been receiving applications from my victims for more than thirty years." Douglas Ramsbottom of Amnesty International was quick to warn that Tariq Aziz and his human rights would almost certainly be violated if he was imprisoned at Camp X-Ray. He added that the former Deputy Prime Minister would have a good idea what he was in for, as conditions in the illegal Cuban Prison were very similar to those in the Iraqi jails that Mr Aziz was responsible for. Home Office spokesman Gregory T Mullet denied that Aziz would be given special treatment, saying, "We review each application on a case by case basis. If Mr Aziz can show that staying in Iraq would place his life in danger, then naturally we would give him protection." Political commentators have warned that a dangerous precedent could be set if Aziz wins his bid for asylum, with hundreds of Saddam's henchmen looking to start a new life in England. Residents near the former Sangatte refugee centre have already begun welcoming a large number of well-dressed Arab gentlemen on their way to the UK. One local businessman told our reporter, "They're a much better class of refugee than the ones we normally get. The Iraqis we used to get round here were all impoverished peasants hoping to start a new life begging on the Piccadilly Line, but these guys are good customers." The wealthy asylum seekers are not universally popular however. One Albanian asylum seeker told us, "This is a terrible situation. I have been here for three years, waiting to get on a truck into England. It was nearly my turn and all of a sudden, these Iraqis turn up and jump the queue." "It used to cost £1,000 to get on a truck to Dover, but these bastards have put up demand and priced the Albanians out of the market. There are even a couple of genuine oppressed people here who can't get on a boat," he said. "At least when all the Taliban turned up last year, they were broke too. I wish the Americans could stick to bombing civilians and third-world dictatorships." Related articles Baghdad cat gets stuck up tree 11 Apr 2007
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Prince Harry Potter will go to Iraq: MoD24 Apr 2006
Saddam Hussein re-instated as President of Iraq18 Feb 2006
Typo ends British army presence in Iraq4 Jan 2006
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Abuse tolerance zones planned for British soldiers27 Jan 2005
Al-Zarqawi "kicked" from Iraqi militant website25 Nov 2004
Hoon asks Iraqis not to shoot back22 Oct 2004
Comical Ali implicated in Allawi speech24 Sep 2004
Exclusive: Tape casts doubt on Bush's "no torture" claims24 Jun 2004
Bush declassifies personal shopping list, proves did not order torture23 Jun 2004
MoD considers adequate equipment supply for British troops8 Jun 2004
New Iraq puppet government: Sooty in charge2 Jun 2004
UK troop deployment not related to election; Pope's religion questioned30 May 2004
Plans for new Bush statue to replace Saddam ruin in Baghdad25 Apr 2004
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One week on: Top 10 options for Saddam22 Dec 2003 Bush hails downfall of Sauron, asks for UN aid for Mordor reconstruction 15 Dec 2003 Bush: Ever noticed how all evil people have beards? 14 Dec 2003 17:53 Tony Blair's reaction to Saddam Hussein's capture 14 Dec 2003 14:46 Coalition: Saddam captured, will never buy weapons from us again 14 Dec 2003 Bush, Rumsfeld in Halloween video campaign for Iraqi war effort 30 Oct 2003 Bush appeals directly to Europeans for Iraq aid 16 Oct 2003 Bush upset over Nobel Peace Prize, promises "decisive action" 10 Oct 2003 Guantanamo Bay interpreters suspected of Comical Ali influence 7 Oct 2003 White House sacks Bush speechwriters after poor UN performance 24 Sep 2003 Branson considering Iraq bid 22 Sep 2003 In Brief: Leaders find common ground in Iraq talks 20 Sep 2003 Cheney look-alike blames Saddam Hussein™ for everything 17 Sep 2003 US seeks alternative financing for its occupation of Iraq 5 Sep 2003 US finds planes, battleships, soldiers buried in Iraqi desert 2 August 2003 Bush and officials to take turns accepting blame for bogus uranium claim 31 July 2003 Comical Ali: Blair's son is dead 29 Jul 2003 Liberation of Iraq to be re-enacted for Crimewatch 25 Jul 2003 Comical Ali: Saddam's sons are not dead 23 Jul 2003 Blair's forged Iraq documents may have been forged forgeries 21 Jul 2003 Satire site found guilty of fabricating war report 21 Jul 2003 Pentagon: OK, so maybe the Iraqis had a cloaking device 18 Jul 2003 Parliament approves hunting for WMD with hounds 16 Jul 2003 Saddam Hussein™ offers $10 million reward for Cheney 10 Jul 2003 MPs clear BBC in Iraq dossier row 7 Jul 2003 U.S. prepares ground for more liberations 6 Jul 2003 Saddam Hussein to feature in next Harry Potter novel 27 Jun 2003 Bush and Rumsfeld in card game spat 25 Jun 2003 Rumsfeld outraged at Satirists' Guild, threatens "forceful action" 23 Jun 2003 Satirists Guild calls for halt on WMD stories 22 Jun 2003 New fabricated intelligence dossier proves everything 20 Jun 2003 Greenstock appointed to Iraq post; rest of world couldn't care less 19 Jun 2003
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