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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Hans Blix |
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| You are sitting on: Home > News | 13th March |
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 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 by Flash Gorman The US Army's PR team this morning handed out details of their latest weapons find in Baghdad. A crack team of US troops – wearing their compulsory "looter blinkers" – made the discovery late last night. After bulldozing several mosques and a primary school, the search team had put together a fearsome collection of foghorns, rattles and referees whistles. In his address to a press conference earlier today, General Tommy "Gunn" Franks detailed how these weapons were going to be used in a carefully orchestrated campaign of Mass Disruption. Working hand in hand with Al-Qaeda groups and convicted paedophiles, the Iraqi secret service had apparently planned to use these evil noise-making devices to disrupt Mass Services throughout the Western world. The seasoned hacks in the audience immediately applauded this monumental discovery, with the traditional press weather-vane mentality. This mood was not, however, picked up by one fresh-faced reporter from the Telegraph. Speaking from the centre of what quickly became a widening circle of his fellow newshounds, the reporter asked General Gunn whether the original plan had not been to find weapons of Mass Destruction. A potentially fascinating debate was cut short by the sudden disappearance of the Telegraph reporter amongst a flurry of US Special Service Agents. Pausing only to plant handfuls of Ricin in the reporter's pockets, the agents quickly bundled him into a van marked "Camp X-Ray. No hand signals". Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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