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| You are lounging next to: Home > News | 19th March |
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 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 by Steve Young Hundreds of Iraqis finally released the Shoes of Mass Destruction (SMDs) that the Bush Administration had feared today in historic scenes. Fortunately for Bush, instead of directing them at the coalition, they were aimed at paintings, posters and statues of Saddam Hussein, which are currently being pummelled unmercifully. "Just imagine the damage if these SMDs were turned on the U.S.," said Secretary of Defence, Donald Rumsfeld. "All it would have taken was a delivery system capable of carrying a few tons of these stilettos and six inch platforms and the damage to our cities would be both horrific and fashionable." "We knew the shoes were there," said General Tommy Franks, "we just had no idea the quantity nor how many styles." From triple A's to double D's, sling backs to loafers, thigh-high boots to fluffy slippers, Mary Janes to Air Jordans, the Iraqi citizens are armed (and footed) in quantities alluded to by Secretary of State Colin Powell in his United Nations speech. "The job is not over," said the vindicated Powell. "With all the footwear uncovered, we cannot ignore the potential danger of the matching bags that have yet to be found." Powell, unfazed by risk of obvious metaphor, added, "We will not wait for the other shoe to drop." Summing up the day's events, a victorious yet understated President Bush may have said it best: "We went in to free a people. We came out orthopedically safe." Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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