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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Donald Rumsfeld |
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| You have been disturbed by: Home > News | 20th March |
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 Saddam to sit exam in weapons decommissioning 12 Mar 2003 Saddam Hussein should prove his commitment to weapons decommissioning by taking an exam in the subject, the prime minister said today. Speaking during Prime Minister's Questions, Tony Blair told MPs that the Iraqi dictator should "study for and sit" A-level Weapons Decommissioning, which includes six modules including two coursework modules. In the first stage of the course, Saddam would study techniques for allowing Iraqi scientists to be interviewed fairly and making statements on television about his weapons, followed by a piece of practical coursework which includes surrendering anthrax to weapons inspectors "in an honest and safe manner". In the second stage, which he would have to complete to get the full A-level in weapons decommissioning, Saddam would study methods of destroying Al-Samoud 2 missiles and accounting for the whereabouts of his unmanned drone planes, followed by a final piece of coursework: the surrender of all mobile chemical and biological facilities. However, the course faced immediate criticism from the Conservatives for being "too easy". "This is further proof that A-levels are getting easier," said their education spokesman. "Any uneducated fool could do this course – it's no wonder pass rates are rising. But having said that, we support the government completely." In its defence, the government said that what it was asking of Saddam "is actually quite difficult", and he would have to do it within weeks rather than the usual two years allowed for the course. "There can be no re-sits, either," the spokesman added, "and failure will probably result in war." Education experts say that the new A-level could face the same problems the current A-levels did when they were introduced two years ago, with a lack of classroom materials and resources available and confusion over what is expected of the students. "It's also likely that the marking crisis we saw last summer will be repeated, with a shortage of qualified examiners and several papers being lost," said Dr Douglas Ramsbottom of the National Union of Teachers. The government is unmoved, though, and according to Foreign Office minister Mike O'Brien, Saddam will be enrolled on the course shortly "whether he likes it or not". Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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