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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Saddam Hussein |
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| You have fallen into: Home > News | 18th March |
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 US proposes Iraq cyber warfare with Windows Me 8 Feb 2003 The United States is drawing up plans for so-called cyber warfare against Iraq, the Washington Post has reported. According to an article yesterday, President Bush has approached computer software giant Microsoft about using its expertise in bringing down computer systems. "Microsoft have made huge advances in turning perfectly-functioning computers into mangled heaps of worthless scrap metal in a matter of minutes," explained a Pentagon source. "That's exactly the sort of expertise we need in a war situation." One of the first weapons to be deployed is likely to be Microsoft's Windows Me operating system. "If we could somehow manage to sneak Win Me onto the Iraqi computers we could take them to a state of near-collapse within hours," enthused an excitable military adviser. "It would be like bringing the system down from the inside." As the build-up of troops in the Middle East continues, many will reportedly be armed with copies of Microsoft software to install on any Iraqi computer systems they come across on their way to Baghdad. Plans to drop thousands of copies of Windows Me from the air have also been mooted but may have to be abandoned after tests showed the CDs cracked when dropped from ten thousand feet, rendering the weapon "ineffective". However, cyber-warfare is not without its opponents. Many within the army have questioned whether imposing Windows Me on the Iraqi people's computers is ethical, bearing in mind the "dangerous consequences" it has had in tests. Others have also criticised the likely cost of a cleanup operation after the war has finished. "Computers all over Iraq could have contracted this virus," mused computer analyst Douglas Ramsbottom. "It's like with land mines – they're easy to put down, but they can be a real bugger to get rid of again." Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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