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| You are staring at: Home > News | 20th June |
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 IDS crisis statement: There is no crisis 5 Nov 2002 The Conservative "leader", Iain Duncan Smith, called an emergency crisis meeting this lunchtime after a morning of emergency crisis talks to tell the media that his party is not in crisis. "I don't know where you got this idea that we're in crisis from," he said in an even more puzzled way than usual. "I mean yeah, a third of the parliamentary party rebelled against me last night, everybody thinks I'm useless and I just trod on the dog, but that doesn't mean we're in crisis. If anything it's been a quiet couple of days." The embattled leader didn't go for the traditional message of telling doubters to "put up or shut up", but instead told the party it would have to "unite or die". Brandishing a military-issue rifle and wearing full combat gear, Mr Duncan Smith said in his strong drill sergeant-like voice: "This is it, lads – er, I mean people, not just lads, we're inclusive now – we've, er, we've got to pull together and fight the common enemy: Michael Portillo. No, I mean Labour. Fight Labour. And, er, yeah, we've got to beat them into a pulp – but not in a nasty way, of course. We're not a nasty party any more. Honestly. And, er, vote for me! I mean us. Vote for us. Hmm." Political commentators say that Mr Duncan Smith may have clung onto power for now, but he could continue to face attacks on his leadership until the Conservatives look like taking back power. Reports of Mr Duncan Smith digging "a large trench, and possibly a hole for himself too" outside Central Office have been half-heartedly denied. Related articles DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller" 7 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40 In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts 28 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday 27 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war 23 Oct 2003 Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space 20 Oct 2003 Tory leader "has office", to be investigated 12 Oct 2003 WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool 9 Oct 2003 Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise 6 Oct 2003 Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form 22 Jul 2003 Conservative leader to join Big Brother house 9 Jul 2003 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity 24 May 2003 IDS "bad for health" claims report 16 May 2003 IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election 14 May 2003 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 "Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors 22 Feb 2003
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