News Satire Spoof Parody Humour George W Bush
DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humour
  You are standing next to: Home > News24th July 
 
News in Depth
Battle for Survival

Police foil IDS kidnap attempt
The Conservative "leader", Iain Duncan Smith, said he was laying on extra security today after police foiled a dramatic kidnap attempt over the weekend. Officers from the Seriously Disorganised Crime Command unit, known as SD7, descended on a group of renegade eastern-European Conservatives after a newspaper tip-off.

According to an undercover reporter from the News of the World, the group was planning to kidnap Mr Duncan Smith and demand a ransom of "at least 5". "They started off with figures like 50p and 2.99, but then they thought 'Oh, what the hell. We'll gamble and see if we can get something many times more than he's worth.' I'm not sure they would have got their money," said the journalist, who for his own safety wishes to remain anonymous.

It is understood that the would-be kidnappers were willing to take the whole shadow cabinet hostage to get their man if they had to. A spokesman for Mr Duncan Smith said that he took seriously all threats against him. "Because of his intense popularity and media presence, Iain gets threats made against him all the time," he said dreamily. "Earlier this year we managed to stop a threat from the shady Davidus Davidus terror group, but they're still a danger to him. We're always on the lookout for trouble."

President Bush has been quick to point out the potentially totally implausible links with al Qaeda. "I've heard about this King Duncancan," he confided in a press briefing this afternoon. "I'd bet my bottom dollar that he has links to Osama bin Laden. Hell, maybe he is bin Laden. We should bomb the crap out of him to find out."

Tony Blair is said to be "undecided" on whether to agree to military action at this stage.

Related articles
DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller"
Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader
Trick or treat with Michael Howard
Howard to stand as Tory leader after all
Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest
Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun
In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts
Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday
Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war
Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space
Tory leader "has office", to be investigated
WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool
Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise
Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form
Conservative leader to join Big Brother house
Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover
Conservative leader resigned several months ago
Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity
IDS "bad for health" claims report
IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election
IDS - "a real threat to government"
New Tory information minister hails election victory
Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors
"Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors

Oi, down here!


 
Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently.Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep