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Britain on Strike

Deputy PM causes destruction of world as we know it
The Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, single-handedly placed Britain in a state of emergency today, it has been reported. In a one-man rampage that lasted over 12 hours and stretched across five counties, Mr Prescott set fire to at least 25 buildings; broke into a Jaguar salesroom and stole three of their cars, crashing each one into the same lamppost after a few minutes; before running amok in a baked potato factory, calling the products made there "uncosted, half-baked" and "bloody well disgusting".

Tearing along the M1 in his official car at speeds of over 80mph, Mr Prescott caused traffic chaos and two minor accidents on his way to visiting striking workers at a Little Chef restaurant.

As the Daily Mail will report tomorrow morning, the consequences of Mr Prescott's actions could be far-reaching. In an editorial strikingly similar to one published in the Daily Mirror last week, editor Paul Dacre will criticise the Deputy PM for sleeping, condemning him as "a lazy bastard". According to articles to be published alongside, the country is on its knees, democracy is at risk, cannibalism could soon break out in Romford, etc (see also: last week).

Mr Prescott has meanwhile denied causing the inevitable imminent destruction of the country.

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Deputy PM causes destruction of world as we know it
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Wow, look at this!

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