|News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Donald Rumsfeld|
|You just walked into: Home > News||24th October|
|Israelis banned from UN board game convention
24 Oct 2002 by Alex
The United Nations' "Gamecon" board gaming convention was once again plunged into controversy last night when ugly scenes erupted around the "Monopoly" board.
Organisers had hoped that the event's reputation would not be further tarnished following the 2001 Geneva riot that ended in 143 arrests for public disorder offences when the Saudi delegation deliberately knocked down the "Jenga" towers on America's turn, and the small-arms fire that killed three delegates in 1998 during a game of "Risk" between the Indian and Pakistani delegations. But it was not to be, as once more fighting broke out between rival players leaving 17 people requiring hospital treatment.
"I hope that the banning of the Israeli delegation from the remainder of the UN GameCon 2002 will send out a clear message that we will no longer tolerate such behaviour at this convention," said Douglhass Rhaammsbootharm of the Norwegian Commission on Fair Play. "This convention is about building bridges toward peaceful relations and eating a lot of pizza and cannot be used to further spurious political ambitions".
The trouble began when the Israeli delegation, represented by leaden miniatures of an Armoured Personnel Carrier and an Apache ground-attack helicopter, insisted on playing "by our rules". With little or no property actually belonging to them on the board, the Israelis began to erect houses anywhere they liked irrespective of who actually owned the estates beneath them, and tried to force the other players to remain strictly within the Old Kent Road and Euston property group unless they had a valid travel visa.
"They just kept repeating ‘Go to detention centre, go directly to detention centre, do not pass checkpoint, do not collect any food or clean water for 27 days' over and over as soon as anyone began to question them," complained one delegate who did not want to be identified, but whose name is Gregory T Mullet. "Even when we only had the poorest properties on the board the UN were powerless to stop them building their own houses on them and knocking ours down".
Further evidence was amassed from the scattered "Chance" and "Community Chest" cards picked up by crime scene officers after the fight had ended. New York Gaming Police Commissioner Chuck Moose III told the press that the cards had been "significantly tampered with". "Examples include: ‘You have been assessed for street repairs: We drove our tanks over your houses' and ‘It is your birthday. Collect the body of your dead son from the authorities'," he said. "Believe me, this time there are going to be some very tough new resolutions drawn up for those naughty people to completely ignore".
After converting the Electricity Company into an arms manufacturer and receiving millions of pounds worth of aid from the American team playing "Game of Life" on the next table, the last straw came when the Israelis attempted to put houses on "Free Parking" to make sure they got all the money from fines the other players had to pay, whereupon heavy and protracted aerial punching began on both sides.
Organisers hope that the remainder of the convention will now be able to proceed without further incident, although concern has been expressed about tomorrow's "Cluedo" final between America and Iraq as the American delegation have already made it clear that they believe Dr. Black was murdered by Colonel Hussein in the Chemical Weapons Factory using the Nuclear Missile and intend assassinating him before the game has even begun.