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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Tony Blair |
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| You have been drawn towards: Home > News | 7th October |
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| SPECIAL INVESTIGATION: Labour goes for broke 21 Jul 2002 The Labour Party is £6m in debt and facing a crisis in funding, according to an internal report leaked to the BBC and stolen by our man in the broom cupboard. According to Gordon the Gopher, who defected to DeadBrain from the BBC several years ago following his fall from Saturday morning televisual glory, the poor state of Labour's finances could seriously harm its ability to fight elections in Scotland and Wales next year. The report also contains details of where some of the money was spent. Since the 2001 election, approximately £800,000 has been spent by the party on drinks bills. This compares to the Liberal Democrats' average of £50,000 over the last five years, most of which was spent by Charles Kennedy. Spending was also inexplicably high on veterinary bills, marquee rental and life-size inflatable Tony Blair dolls. "Significant savings" were made on holiday costs, however, by operating a time-share scheme on Margaret Beckett's caravan. Despite the gloom, though, DeadBrain can exclusively reveal that the party's finances will be "in good condition" within three years and back to normal in four. Surprisingly, party insiders say that this won't be achieved by increasing funding from the public purse. "Yes Gordon, we reduced our monthly payments from £50,000 to just £900 by calling Ocean Finance," smiled one implausible actor. "Ocean Finance saved our party and with it my job," said another from the same fake home studio. "If it wasn't for Ocean Finance we wouldn't be able to send John Prescott around the country in a big bus," claimed a Labour whip. "Now you can't deny that's a good thing."
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