Chairman attacks media
13 Jun 2002
The Labour Party Chairman, Charles Clarke, yesterday condemned the media as "pious and hypocritical" in an article in the Times newspaper. Mr Clarke's attack, which coincidentally came the day after revelations about the Prime Minister's involvement in the Queen Mother's lying in state, was particularly long and rambling and made no sense whatsoever. This, say anonymous mumbling people, means that Mr Clarke is an uneducated slob who eats dental floss for his evening meal.
Mr Clarke has also recently been subjected to entirely unfounded allegations about his private life, which were "made up by someone I saw on the tube". The fact that Mr Clarke quickly proved that he is not a transsexual jellyfish called Sam has no particular bearing on this story and is presented here purely to cast doubt on anything he says.
Particularly surprising, though, was the absence of the frequently condemned news satire website "DeadBrain" from Mr Clarke's blacklist of "nasty publications". This, says assistant editor Gregory T Mullet, is to be taken as a "wholehearted backing" of the website by New Labour and has led to the resignation of over half of the staff.
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