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Widdecombe Captured by Revolutionaries
5 Apr 2002
In a surprising twist to the Ramsbottom Alliance's invasion of a small Middle-east country whose name has yet to be discovered, Conservative MP Ann Widdecombe has been taken hostage by armed revolutionaries. Ms Widdecombe, who had been enjoying her Easter holiday in a caravan park nearby, was taken by a group of between four and ten masked men to the ruins of a farmhouse where she is being held.
This afternoon, representatives of the Alliance held their first press conference since their invasion. Their leader, General Douglas Ramsbottom, who was protected by 20 bodyguards, bulletproof glass, a flak jacket and a big sign bearing the slogan "please don't hurt me", tried to explain some of the Alliance's aims. Unfortunately, since nobody knows which country he has invaded, nobody knew where the press conference was, and subsequently it was attended only by himself, his bodyguards, a sewage worker and unhealthy number of flies.
Speaking through a large megaphone on the border of the unknown country, military historian Professor Gregory T Mullet called the plan "fatally flawed" and "really stupid" and was promptly shot. Like a fly to the ointment, a moth to a flame or John Prescott to a pie shop, DeadBrain's Dangerous Places Correspondent Douglas Ramsbottom CBE (no relation) boarded a plane to the unknown country early this morning and is expected to get there by tonight, if he can find it.
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