1 Nov 2001
Hoards of children from across the country last night converged on the DeadBrain Castle in a remote part of the Scottish Highlands, proving once and for all a theory held for many years that the 31st of October is indeed Halloween. For several hours, the doorbell suffered from continuous ringing, as did the ears of the castle's unfortunate occupants. After explaining to several groups of youngsters that we were actually out, so there was in fact no point in knocking on our door because there was nobody in, including us, we gave up, took the batteries our of the doorbell and armed ourselves with laser-guided US Military-sized water pistols.
Elsewhere in the country, reports that children knocking on Ann Widdecombe's door ran away petrified when it was opened have yet to be confirmed, while allegations that Robin Cook travelled across London knocking on doors offering "treats" are completely libellous and cannot be repeated for legal reasons, no matter how true they are.
Excuse me, would you mind?