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In Brief: Leaders find common ground in Iraq talks
20 Sep 2003
The Prime Minister met with his French and German counterparts in Berlin today for their first talks since the Iraq war. Speaking after the talks, a Downing Street source told DeadBrain that they had gone well. "The three leaders found some common ground, and that's progress," he said. "The problem is, that common ground is Iraq and they still completely disagree on what to do about it."
"However," he added, "the PM achieved his main objective – he actually spoke to them and nobody leaked anything nasty to the media (apart from me, obviously) and nobody got hurt. That has to be a good sign, right?"
In Brief: Prince Harry surprised by media interest
26 Sep 2003
Prince Harry is considering shortening his gap year trip to Australia because of high levels of media interest. According to a Clarence House insider, the Prince wasn't expecting such interest in his life. "It's virtually unprecedented," she commented. "OK, so he's third in-line for the throne and a teenage heartthrob, but people aren't normally this interested in either of the two princes. And yet photographers are following him around trying to take pictures of him! It's taken us all completely by surprise."
Newspapers have promised to respect the Prince's wishes and will tomorrow run double-page stories and photo-packed pullouts about how wrong media intrusion is.
Mission to take Kinnock to moon blasts off
28 Sep 2003
The mission to take Neil Kinnock to the moon successfully blasted off last night in French Guiana. Kinnock, the infamous Welsh windbag and Vice President of the European Commission, had long dreamed of travelling to the moon and now it appears that his dream may have come true. The craft carrying him uses a revolutionary propulsion system which is powered solely by him talking. It is thought that, so long as food, water and oxygen supplies last, the craft will be able to travel much further than the moon "and possibly to the edge of the known universe", but for weight reasons has not been fitted with the equipment to re-enter the earth's atmosphere.