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The DeadBrain Asylum Quiz
27 May 2003 by Flash Gorman

So, you've fought your way through the guards at Calais, you've smuggled yourself across the Channel and now you want asylum in the UK? You'll have to get through David Blunkett's tough questions first...

1. Why do you wish to come to Britain?
	To avoid religious and political persecution.
	To start own Mafia franchise.
	To wade knee deep in the blood of western infidels.
2. Are you prepared to learn our language?
	Of course, I wish to fully integrate in my new home.
	There is no need, as I will be living in my own enclave with my own people.
	Only the words required for the purchase of dangerous chemicals.
3. Would you support England in the cricket world cup?
	Yes, they would represent my adopted country.
	I would be too busy selling black market tickets.
	I would disguise myself as a supporter in order to gas the crowd.
4. Do you have any useful skills to bring to our country?
	No skills as such but I am prepared to work hard at any given task.
	Experienced in obtaining hard to find items and intimidating rivals.
	Can field strip a large machine-gun and am skilled in producing toxic poisons from everyday household chemicals.
5. How would you express your opposition to a government policy?
	With a sustained leafleting campaign.
	Gangland execution of political figure.
	Flying large plane into government building whilst screaming “Allah Achbar”.
6. What are your political views?
	I wish to spread word of the oppressive regime in my homeland.
	The government leaves me alone, I leave them alone.
	Broadly liberal but with a tendency to blow up western embassies.
7. What is your favourite film?
	Gandhi.
	Goodfellows.
	9/11, the documentary.
8. Are you a terrorist?
	No.
	Not as such.
	Prefer not to answer.

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