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| You have landed on top of: Home > Election 2005 > News | 12th October |
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Election Match Report9 May 2005 by Paul Davies
After a month's furious build-up, two teams hungry for the British title finally took to the field in the biggest match of the season. Labour in red and led by long-time captain Tony Blair were the hot favourites, but the Conservatives in blue and fronted by ageing skipper Michael Howard were confident of inflicting some damage.The atmosphere was poor as the stadium was once again only 60% full. A strange match was characterised by the attitude of the crowd, who were not sure who to root for and seemed to be most concerned with getting to the final whistle. Both teams sported similar line-ups and, were it not for the colour of their shirts, a large section of the crowd would have been unaware of who was playing for which team. Tactically, there was also little to choose between them. Both Labour and Conservative went for the old schoolboy tactic of 'stick the fattest kid in goal', so Prescott and Widdecombe duly took their places between the sticks. The game plans were again very similar. Bad challenges, foul language and blatant attempts to con referee Jeremy Paxman were observable in abundance. Despite running away with the last contest, Labour were racked with internal squabbles and a partisan crowd baying for blood. Centre-back Brown never once passed the ball to his captain Blair, who spent the whole game stuck firmly to the right-wing, or hanging around in the Conservatives' area. The Conservatives were similarly unsettled, lacking a formal structure and confidence in the captain clearly low. Like England, they are yet to solve their 'left-sided problem', which hampered them throughout. The sacking of the prominent Howard Flight just weeks before the game was another setback, but their biggest mistake was surely to leave their star-man, the creative genius with the prima-donna haircut, Boris Johnson, on the bench for the whole game. The Conservatives played hard, leading to several Labour men being stretchered off. Further casualties were inflicted on the red ranks from the sidelines. An unwelcome streaker, sporting a silly little moustache and demanding 'respect' forced New Labour midfield stalwart Oona King to leave early. A feisty ginger Scot was also prowling along the sidelines screaming for a chance to play, but the rules clearly stated that only teams in red and blue were allowed to contest the result. Other attempts were made to get in on the action, but all proved in vain. One deranged chap with an orange face and a purple suit, for example, was quickly beaten down the second he opened his big mouth. Labour made the most of the advantage of incumbency, giving them a massive head start that they held on to for the duration of the game to emerge victorious. Celebrations were however tempered by the post-match backlash against the winning captain, with calls for his retirement ringing round the ground.
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